JESPER JUUL YOUR COMPETENT CHILD PDF

Some of what he suggests we as parents do is difficult - as it is against our "knee-jerk" reactions we may have learned from our parents, but all of it is right on about how we can raise confident, healthy, whole humans, right from the start. I was thrilled to have discovered a book that allowed me to see different possibilities with child raising. Anyone with a child will gain immensely from reading this book, seeing themselves as I did, over and over again in his numerous examples, and learning how to move on from there. Without reservation, I am grateful for this book and highly recommend it.

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Instead we can choose to embrace a new set of values based on the assumption that families must be built not on authoritarian force or democratic tyranny but on dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. Children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. It is parents who must work to listen to and learn from their children. That is, prior to a conflict, we were unable to convert our loving feelings into loving behavior, our good intentions into fruitful interaction.

Juul is a renowned international authority on the family. Using examples from families in many different countries, he has written a book that challenges parents to see their years with their children as an exciting time of growth and development for the whole family. Jesper Juul, born in Denmark in , is a family therapist. He is the director of the Kempler Institute of Scandinavia, a center for family therapy, and Family Counseling International in Croatia.

He divides his time between Copenhagen and Zagreb. Across many different societies, the basic values that secured the foundation of family life for more than two centuries are undergoing a period of disintegration and transformation.

In Scandinavia, women have been in the vanguard of these changes, abetted by advanced social legislation and the comforts of the welfare state. In other countries, civil war or economic hardship has sparked this development. The pace at which change is occurring varies, but the cause is the same: the hierarchical, authoritarian family, headed by either a matriarch or a patriarch, is becoming extinct. The map of the world is teeming with many different types of families.

Some make a desperate attempt to maintain the standards of "the good old days," while others experiment with new and more fruitful ways of living together. From a mental health vantage point, there is every reason to welcome this change. The traditional family structure and many of its values were destructive for both children and adults, as these scenarios will illustrate. The boy protests and turns his face away.

She grabs hold of a handful of his hair and tells him in an angry whisper how naughty he is. Then his face settles into a neutral mask. Why does he always cause such a fuss? Window shopping, he notices a new toy in a store window and points to it enthusiastically. He wants his mother to look. But she is ahead of him, and when she walks back to him, she grabs his arm and whisks him away without even glancing at the toy in the window.

He begins to cry, begging her to look at it, but she is unrelenting in her determination to win. Give him a Coke with lemon, so we can have some peace! Suddenly the mother looks at her watch and says angrily to the boy, "Drink your soda! Now drink up! Once again, the boy sits quietly.

After half an hour has passed, he asks cautiously, "Mommy, are we going home soon? Do you understand!? You can go to the toilet when you get home. They love their children and grandchildren, are delighted when the children behave themselves, and appreciate their funny and cute comments. But these adults behave in unloving ways because they have learned to regard unloving acts as loving, and loving acts as irresponsible.

As in all other totalitarian power structures, the ideal was a situation in which no open conflicts occurred. For those who understood how to adapt themselves, the family provided a secure foundation, but for those whose individuality was more robust, the family and its pattern of interaction could be alarmingly destructive.

As a result, many women and children were admitted and often readmitted to institutions and forced to take medication. Of course, this description is both incomplete and unfair. Admittedly, there were aspects of traditional family life that were pleasurable and happy. People loved each other. On another level, those who submitted successfully enjoyed a special form of security similar to that experienced by well adjusted citizens in totalitarian societies.

Some of us may even feel nostalgic for "the good old traditional family," but only rarely did it exert a positive influence on the well-being and development of the individual. In other words, from a social point of view, traditional families often looked successful, but the pathology they caused lurked just below the surface.

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Your Competent Child

Jesper Juul provides parents with such an amazing and absolutely vital approach to raising children that it rings true on every page. Some of what he suggests we as parents do is difficult, but all of it is right on about how we can raise confident, healthy, whole humans, right from the start. I was thrilled to have discovered a book that allowed me to see different possibilities with child raising. Anyone with a child will gain immensely from reading this book, seeing themselves in his numerous examples, and learning how to move on from there. I am grateful for this book and highly recommend it. With tremendous wisdom and a warm, pragmatic eye, Mr. It is a book that offers day-to-day skills along with the thinking that helps generate them.

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Jesper Juul (family therapist)

Instead we can choose to embrace a new set of values based on the assumption that families must be built not on authoritarian force or democratic tyranny but on dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. Children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. It is parents who must work to listen to and learn from their children. That is, prior to a conflict, we were unable to convert our loving feelings into loving behavior, our good intentions into fruitful interaction. Juul is a renowned international authority on the family.

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I would like to recommend parents to avoid this. I would also like to recommend parents to avoid recommendations. Read if you must, but vary the sources of your advice, draw your own and as few conclusions as possible and apply what feels natural in your new parental role toward your Having recently two years ago become a first time parent and being an academic and theoretician by birth and unimpeded habit I "read up" on how to parent by reading mostly everything without much prejudice. Read if you must, but vary the sources of your advice, draw your own and as few conclusions as possible and apply what feels natural in your new parental role toward your typical though very unique child. My mum told me not to fret: "small children are excellent at teaching adults how to become good parents". Jesper Juul says much the same.

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